I am a recovering worrier. That's it, my secret is out. For people that have been near and dear to me all my life, I am sure it isn't much of a secret.
I believe that I am at least 2nd if not 3rd generation worry wart. I was raised in a family that worrying was name of the game. Something was wrong if we didn't have something to worry about. Not only did we worry, we obsessed on our worries. As a child, I worried about whether people liked me. I convinced myself that they didn't. I worried about school. The list goes on and on. I worried about everything so much I was always sick and stressed out. Maybe, you can relate.
As I became an adult and had children of my own, I really didn't want them to follow in my footsteps of being a worrier. I really wanted to break the cycle. I began to try to hide my addiction to worry. By that time, I was fully entrenched in my usual worry haunts. Sometimes, life would throw something new in the pot for me to worry about, but if I didn't have enough, I could always bring out my "old worries" and have enough material to keep myself occupied for days!
I want to share 7 tips that have helped me to break the worrying habit.
1. I finally came to the conclusion that worrying was stealing my happiness. That realization made me mad. I wanted to be happy, dadgummit! I made a conscious effort to learn more about why I worried. I discovered that worrying can come from feelings of unworthiness. I began to read self improvement. I found out all sorts of information. One of which is, "what we focus on grows." Ouch! That one really hit close to home. I am always working on improving my self image through self improvement and that has helped with my worrying habit.
2. People who worry are under the impression that worrying serves a purpose. One of my dear friends always tells me, "if I worry about it, if something happens, I'll be prepared and it won't be so bad". If you believe that worrying serves a purpose you will never stop. You need to discover what purpose your worrying serves.
3. Clarity is an issue with all worrying. Most of the time, we are completely unaware of what is really bothering us. We could be using worry as a way of projecting our uneasiness. The best way to get clear is to write our worries down. Sometimes, when I write my worries down, I look at that worry and say, "well that's dumb. Why should I worry about that?" When you have written your worries down, fold them up and put them in a jar on the top shelf of the closet. Let yourself know that it is OK to worry about those things....later. You can then pick the appropriate time to take your jar down, read your worries, worry about that stuff for 10 minutes and then put the jar back. As worries come up feel free to jot them down and put them in your worry jar. If you start to worry and it is not "your chosen time" remind yourself of your predetermined appointment to worry. As Scarlet O'Hara said in Gone With The Wind, "I can't think about that right now. If I do, I'll go crazy. I'll think about that tomorrow." I have found out that I forget to get my jar down and worry.
4. A human brain is incapable of negative and positive thoughts at the same time. Try it. You will either go negative or you will go positive. The best way to go positive is to count your blessings. I know that sounds hokey, but it works. Gratitude is an amazing mood lifter!
5. Worrying is a thought pattern. The good way to break that pattern is to keep yourself busy and active. It is hard to fit worrying in if you are busy. It is, also, important to stay in the "now". Worrying comes from projecting into the future what you think might happen. In the "now" you are OK and safe.
6. Don't be afraid of the unknown. People always equate the unknown with uncertainty and a negative outcome. Accept that you don't know the outcome. Focus on what you can control. My grandmother, who resided on the other side of the family from the worriers, always would ask me when I worried, "Can you change it? If you can't change it, you can't worry about it." That always gave me hope and some clarity. It is useless to worry about something that is out of your control. Remember as the bible says, "This too shall pass." That quote has always given me comfort.
7. When I have been in a "crisis mode" with my worrying, my heart beats faster, my stomach gets upset, my chest tightens up and I can reach a full blown panic attack. I don't know if you can relate to that. Anxiety for long periods of time can threaten our long term health. I have found that the Sedona Method gives me release from my panic attack. and get a free DVD that explains the method. In a nutshell, you can ask yourself 3 questions. "Could I let this go?" Wait for answer. "Would I let this go?" Wait for answer, and "When?", again, wait for answer. That technique settles me right down and I can feel the anxiety lift. I also get relief from "full crisis mode" by sitting quietly and listening to a guided mediation. I use guided meditations because I have trouble when I have been in "crisis worry mode" to stop thinking my thoughts. I needed the distraction of the guided part of the meditation.
As you can see, I have given worrying a lot of thought. I have even worried about worrying. All of the above are tested and proven true by yours truly....me. I fall off the wagon occasionally and start to worry, but one or more above methods come to my rescue every time. It has become easier to leave that destructive thought pattern behind and I am enjoying exploring my happiness more and more.
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